Piranha 3D - fab or fishy?
Review by Veronica Pullen
If I said Piranha 3D was a bloodier Jaws, but with Piranhas instead of sharks, I could end this review here, and you’d have enough information to decide whether you wanted to see this film or not. However, to do so, would be to discredit this movie. A remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 classic, Piranha 3D is the latest in long list of 3D movies being released this year. With an 18 certificate, this is one for the adults, and the non squeamish adults at that. It’s directed by Alexandre Aja, and stars Kelly Brook, Elisabeth Shue and Steven R McQueen, famous for playing Jeremy Gilbert in the TV series The Vampire Diaries. Reminiscent of Jaws, the five minute cameo from Richard Dreyfuss sees him singing the iconic song from Jaws as he rows his boat along the lake. The later discovery of his mangled corpse in the lake is an early indicator that this movie is worthy of its 18 certificate.
Set in the usually sleepy Lake Victoria, the plot revolves around the annual Spring break festival which sees tens of thousand of partygoers descend on the lake for a riotous and drunken party. Unfortunately for them, a recent underwater tremor has unleashed a huge number of piranhas into the lake. The partygoers are thrown together in their mission to protect themselves from becoming the piranhas’ next meal.
Despite their best efforts, what follows can only be described as carnage. Razor sharp teeth tear into human flesh, and limbs and whole bodies of flesh are consumed by these hungry fish. In what is both a painful and comedy moment, you will wince and laugh as you note the piranhas’ discerning tastes when they spit out a penis for being too gristly and inedible.
The 3D doesn’t add a great deal to your viewing experience. It’s rather distracting having to dodge the limbs, microphones and cups which appear to be coming your way. A particularly enjoyable 3D moment is Captain Fallon (played by Ving Rhaymes) heroically trying to seize control of the sheer numbers of fish by attacking them with the outboard motor of his boat. You will find yourself instinctively forcing yourself back into your seat as the action appears to be arms length away. At that moment, you really do feel that you might be splashed by the fish guts and bloodied water!
The expanse of half naked ladies makes this a great film for the boys. The most appealing scene is sure to be the lesbian underwater dance scene performed by a butt naked Danni (played by Kelly Brook) and Crystal (played by Riley Steele who is a real life porn star!) Perhaps the piranhas enjoyed this exhibition too, as amazingly both ladies return to shore unscathed. The topless parasailor doesn’t fare so well though. When she reappears from the water, her lower limbs are missing, leaving bloodied stumps in their place!
However, girls don’t be put off. There is a lack of naked male flesh apart from that one scene, but there is enough of a plot for both sexes to enjoy the experience. This is not a hardcore horror film, but a light hearted ringside seat to what could happen if you are brave enough to spend your Spring break at Lake Victoria. At only 89 minutes, don’t expect to see character development, but you can expect to be entertained from start to finish. Just don’t get knocked out when the limbs start flying!
If I said Piranha 3D was a bloodier Jaws, but with Piranhas instead of sharks, I could end this review here, and you’d have enough information to decide whether you wanted to see this film or not. However, to do so, would be to discredit this movie. A remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 classic, Piranha 3D is the latest in long list of 3D movies being released this year. With an 18 certificate, this is one for the adults, and the non squeamish adults at that. It’s directed by Alexandre Aja, and stars Kelly Brook, Elisabeth Shue and Steven R McQueen, famous for playing Jeremy Gilbert in the TV series The Vampire Diaries. Reminiscent of Jaws, the five minute cameo from Richard Dreyfuss sees him singing the iconic song from Jaws as he rows his boat along the lake. The later discovery of his mangled corpse in the lake is an early indicator that this movie is worthy of its 18 certificate.
Set in the usually sleepy Lake Victoria, the plot revolves around the annual Spring break festival which sees tens of thousand of partygoers descend on the lake for a riotous and drunken party. Unfortunately for them, a recent underwater tremor has unleashed a huge number of piranhas into the lake. The partygoers are thrown together in their mission to protect themselves from becoming the piranhas’ next meal.
Despite their best efforts, what follows can only be described as carnage. Razor sharp teeth tear into human flesh, and limbs and whole bodies of flesh are consumed by these hungry fish. In what is both a painful and comedy moment, you will wince and laugh as you note the piranhas’ discerning tastes when they spit out a penis for being too gristly and inedible.
The 3D doesn’t add a great deal to your viewing experience. It’s rather distracting having to dodge the limbs, microphones and cups which appear to be coming your way. A particularly enjoyable 3D moment is Captain Fallon (played by Ving Rhaymes) heroically trying to seize control of the sheer numbers of fish by attacking them with the outboard motor of his boat. You will find yourself instinctively forcing yourself back into your seat as the action appears to be arms length away. At that moment, you really do feel that you might be splashed by the fish guts and bloodied water!
The expanse of half naked ladies makes this a great film for the boys. The most appealing scene is sure to be the lesbian underwater dance scene performed by a butt naked Danni (played by Kelly Brook) and Crystal (played by Riley Steele who is a real life porn star!) Perhaps the piranhas enjoyed this exhibition too, as amazingly both ladies return to shore unscathed. The topless parasailor doesn’t fare so well though. When she reappears from the water, her lower limbs are missing, leaving bloodied stumps in their place!
However, girls don’t be put off. There is a lack of naked male flesh apart from that one scene, but there is enough of a plot for both sexes to enjoy the experience. This is not a hardcore horror film, but a light hearted ringside seat to what could happen if you are brave enough to spend your Spring break at Lake Victoria. At only 89 minutes, don’t expect to see character development, but you can expect to be entertained from start to finish. Just don’t get knocked out when the limbs start flying!